theplatonicnonyeah: (mr1)
[personal profile] theplatonicnonyeah
This is the fourth part in a short series of stories based on a request from some members of the Matthew Rhys Online forum, for something involving Philip Jennings and a man of Canadian nationality.

It is based on the character Philip Jennings in FX Network's show The Americans.
Julien Grenier is my own invention.
I own nothing and can take no credit for the invention of the original character.

Rating: NC-17 for some graphic depictions of sexual activity.

Stretch out and wait

Too many buttons, the shirt had too many buttons. It needed to come off now! Phillip tore at the tiny plastic things until he could pull the shirt off his shoulders. But then the cuffs got caught around his wrists and a frustrated groan escaped him as he found himself entangled in cotton fabric, unable to move his hands. Julien giggled into their kiss and playfully nailed him against the wall.
- You’re mine now. I can do whatever I want with you, he said and licked Phillip’s right earlobe, holding his wrists in a firm grip.
- Yes, Phillip moaned. Just please unzip my jeans. It’s getting uncomfortable, my dick is...
- Very hard! Julien exclaimed as he moved one hand to Phillip’s crotch.
- Ow!
- Oh, sorry!
- It’ the wrong place, Phillip squirmed. I need to...just help me get them off.
Julien unzipped Phillip’s jeans, knelt in front of him and slowly pulled both trousers and pants down to the ankles.
- Better?
- Yeah, Phillip sighed and looked down at Julien, who was watching him intently, smiling.
- Is this how much you missed me? Julien said teasingly from below.
- Yes, Phillip replied, smiling back.
He waited for Julien to make his move, because he was still unable to move, handcuffed in his shirt and with the jeans pooled around his feet. But Julien just sat there smiling, inches away from his protruding erection.
- Tell me about yourself, Julien said.
- No, not now.
- Yes, now. I want to know.
- Please, not now.
- Why don’t you want to?
- I just want to be with you. I’ve thought about you...
- Oh, have you now? Julien said and licked some pre-come off Phillip’s glans. The sudden touch made him gasp. Julien gently closed his lips around Phillip’s twitching cock, then let go and said:
- What were you thinking about?
- I was...oh!
Julien’s lips were there again. He swirled his tongue around the glans of Phillip’s cock and sucked gently, then let go again, making Phillip almost keel over.
- Yes? Julien said in a teasing tone.
- I can’ good. Please don’t stop.
- Tell me about yourself. Where did you go to school?
- I didn’t...
Phillip tried to free his hands again, but this time Julien held him back with more intent. He was surprisingly strong, Phillip realised. Then he licked the length of Phillip’s cock, ending with a slow suck before letting the top pop out of his mouth. Phillip closed his eyes and willed himself not to come immediately over Julien’s face. But Julien wasn’t giving up.
- Clive, what is your middle name?
- I don’t have one.
- Really? Everyone has an embarrassing middle name.
- No, really. I don’t...
- Mine is Perceval.
There was a moment’s pause before both of them burst into laughter.
- Perceval? Seriously? Phillip giggled.
- Yes, Julien said.
- That’s just cruel.
- I know, Julien replied laughing and stood up again to give Phillip a kiss. – Come, he said, helping Phillip out of his shirt. Let’s go to bed.

In the taxi on the way to the hotel, Phillip had felt a sense of urgency. It was like a buzzing sound that wormed its way through his brain, making his heart beat faster and his breathing shallow. In the back seat he had reached for Julien’s hand, entwining their fingers. He had cast a glance at the rear view mirror to see if the driver was watching them, but the man was busy shouting abuse at the traffic around them.

When finally they were in the lift going up to their room he had longed for Julien’s touch, to be devoured by him and forget the outside world. But now, undressing him, he couldn’t turn off the images from the club: writhing bodies on the dance floor, men whispering and pointing at him, the sound of sex in toilet cubicles. Everything that had happened earlier that evening was still inside him, like a tight knot of fear. He wanted nothing else but to be right there with Julien, in the present, kissing and touching and being kissed and touched. But his brain would not shut up.

- You’re very tense, Julien whispered.
- I know. I’m sorry. Kiss me.
- We don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to.
- I do. I do want to.
- So, what’s wrong?
- Nothing’s wrong. Please don’t stop. I want to be with you now.
He slipped his hands down into Julien’s pants, grabbing a hold and pulled their crotches together. His tongue eagerly searched Julien’s, tasting alcohol on his breath. But Julien was pulling back, withdrawing from the kiss. He said:
- Something’s wrong.
- Everything’s fine. Really. Let’s not stop, Phillip said, trying to kiss Julien again. This time Julien put his hands against Phillip’s chest to create distance between them. A faint wrinkle had appeared between his eyebrows and the smiling curve of his cupid’s bow looked almost straight. He seemed to be studying Phillip’s face. Slowly, he inhaled and held his breath momentarily, before saying:
- Are you…married?


That was not the question Phillip had expected. He blinked, startled. Was he that easy to read? All those years of training in perfecting the art of being someone else and this man in front of him sees through it almost immediately. He removed his hands from Julien, suddenly feeling very naked and wanting to shield himself. The air-conditioning was efficiently making the room chilly and his erection wane.

- I think you are, Julien said almost like a question.
For what seemed like an eternity they stood there opposite each other, not speaking. Phillip studied Julien’s face for a sign of the inevitable accusatory attack. But there wasn’t one. Instead, Julien cleared his throat and said:
- Does she know?
Realising a confession of sorts was better than an outright lie Phillip nodded and hesitantly said:
- Yes.
- I see.
- Well, she knows that…It’s… We’re allowed to see other people. It’s part of the deal, sort of. We don’t talk about it. She does it too, but I don’t think she…
But he couldn’t finish that sentence, because he really didn’t know what Elizabeth did when she was not with him.
- So this is ok? Julien said, apparently relieved.
- Yes, it’s ok.
Phillip carefully placed his fingers on Julien’s collarbone and traced it to the place where it dipped into a small hollow at the bottom of his throat. He said:
- I can stay the night, if you want.
Julien smiled and nodded. And there was warmth in his voice as he said:
- Yes. Stay.

They began kissing again, tongues playing against each other. The noise in Phillip’s head was fading, the fear finally subsiding. Grabbing a hold of Phillip’s cock, Julien walked backwards to the bed and pulled Phillip down on top of him as they lay down.

Afterwards, they lay in a sweaty mess on the crumpled bed sheets. The cover, duvets and a pillow had been pushed off the bed as they fucked their way to oblivion. This time everything had been more familiar and Phillip had sometimes found himself smiling knowingly when Julien touched him a certain way, in anticipation of what would happen.

They lay there in the dark, perfectly spooned together, Phillip’s right arm under Julien’s neck and his other arm resting on his lover’s hip. Julien was falling asleep, he could tell from the slowing down of his breathing. Carefully, Phillip began pulling his arm out from underneath Julien.
- Don’t leave, Julien mumbled and stirred.
- I’m not leaving. I’m just going to the bathroom, Phillip whispered and nibbled Julien’s ear.
The response was a quick giggle.

He got up and walked to the bathroom on slightly wobbly knees, closing the door behind him before he turned the lights on.

He stared at himself in the mirror. The stark strip light revealed every furrow on his face. He met his own fake-brown eyes and for a second he didn’t recognise himself. Maybe he had actually become Clive, a gay version of himself living in a parallel universe governed by lust and desire to another man. A place where he would abandon all control for just a few moments of pleasure at the hands of someone who was essentially a stranger, but who felt so like himself. The initial reason for their liaison was fading away, pushed to the back of his mind, wilfully and a little spitefully against the orders of The Centre.

The contact lenses were beginning to itch. He wasn’t used to wearing them this long and the smoke in the club had irritated his eyes. The room outside was dark. He could sneak back out into the bed next to Julien and then get up quickly in the morning to put the contacts back in before Julien woke up. In his exhausted state of mind it sounded like the most sensible thing to do, so he removed the contacts and put them in their case. After rinsing his face in cold water, he turned off the bathroom lights and tiptoed back out into the darkened room. Finding his jeans on the floor, he put the lens case in one of the pockets and laid the trousers on the chair next to the bed. Julien was asleep, snoring quietly. Phillip carefully slipped back in under the covers and spooned back up against Julien, inhaling the scent in the back of his neck: sweat, some sort of hair product and that something that was just Julien’s own comforting smell.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

October 2014


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